


MGS Wintergames Fic Drabbles

by MasterMillers



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: "Intellectual Volgin", BBKaz death pact, Beancelot, Blow Jobs, Commander Smegma, Fondling, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Jupiter Family, M/M, Ocelot's fursona, Sugar Daddy Zero, There is porn in here now, pee is stored in the balls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 00:11:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 5,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13752126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterMillers/pseuds/MasterMillers
Summary: A series of drabbles for the MGS Wintergames, all based on





	1. Can You Draw My Fursona For Free

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com/post/170205513781/oh-look-its-commander-smegma-benedict-miller) artwork by [Goodnightfern](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

Kaz hobbled out of bed on his crutch, his leg wrapped and stench coming off him like a garbage disposal shoot. Shit, he was attracting flies. More friends he guessed. 

He kicked open the door to the mess hall to find Ocelot enthusiastically drawing in the dark, nothing around save for a small lamp to illuminate his work. It was a cat wearing a beret. If Kaz weren't half asleep he’d say Ocelot had drawn himself a fursona in the dead of night where no one could see. Was he… Embarrassed? 

“What are you doing you furry fuck?” Kaz grunted out, peering over Ocelot's shoulder to get a better look at the drawing. 

It was good, really good he might add. But he’d never let Ocelot know that. 

“Drawing my fursona.” Ocelot mumbled out without looking up. He was way too focused on perfecting the details to pay much attention to Kaz. 

“... Can you draw me one too?”

It was dumb but Kaz really wanted a fursona too… Ocelot was really good at drawing animals in hats. 

“Only if you take a shower Commander Smegma, I can taste the lint under your foreskin from here.”

“Fine, but will you draw me one now?”

“Alright, just gimme a sec,” he placed a few love hearts on his masterpiece before holding it up for them both to see, “and done.”

“I think it's good, the flies like it too.”


	2. BBV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this artwork](http://lewdbear.tumblr.com/post/132653656758) by [lewdbear](http://lewdbear.tumblr.com) on tumblr.
> 
> No NSFW but it's implied.

“You’re getting thicker around the waist, hm. Looks like you're gaining a bit more muscle than me.” Big Boss chuckled and dragged Venom on top of his lap, running his hands up and down his scarred chest.

“Yes sir, that's right sir. You told me you wanted me fit to run our army.” Venom spoke quietly in an attempt to suppress the low moan he was desperate to let out. 

It was all part of their game. 

Venom followed orders like a good dog and Big Boss gave them. That was just how things were between them. 

“Kiss me, V. I want to taste you.”

“Yes sir.”

Venom leaned down obediently, slipping his rough tongue into his master’s open mouth. Big Boss closed the gap, biting their lips together in a messy kiss. It went on and on, ending when the only thing connecting them was the string of saliva attached to their flushed faces. 

Big Boss fondled the ever growing bulge in Venom's cargo pants, smirking at his other half’s struggling face. Venom was oh so desperate and he loved to see suffer through the assault on his straining, clothed cock. Just this once he’d give his puppy a treat. 

“You’ve been such a good boy, V. Take off your pants. I want you to you ride me, but leave your harness on.”


	3. "Metal Gear Survive"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this artwork](http://ochibrochi.tumblr.com/post/149739014405/s-u-r-v-i-v-e) by [ochibrochi](http://ochibrochi.tumblr.com) who drew this for me by request during one of their streams a year or two back.

Ocelot squinted at the grotesque looking postcard the mail carrier had dropped in. It had a picture of what looked like Motherbase sinking with the words “Metal Gear Survive” in block writing over the top. 

What did it mean? Was this some sort of sick threat? A joke to make Miller shit his pants tenfold? 

Oof, if I show this to Kaz he’ll totally freak out and break down. I’d better do it at dinner then where everyone can see. 

Ocelot kept the suspicious postcard in the pocket of his duster for the day, sometimes glancing at it in thought but mainly keeping it to himself. 

When night came Ocelot was thrilled to pop this bad boy up at the table Kaz was sitting at.   
He grabbed a tray, one only half as full as the Commander’s, and swivelled into the chair across from him. 

“So Miller, something interesting came in the mail drop today I think you should take a look at.” Ocelot muffled as he spoke around a mouthful of mashed potato. 

“Alright, you can show me after dinner. I’m kind of enjoying my lasagne here, Ocelot.” Kaz pointed to his food in an attempt to convince Ocelot not to disturb him, but like always, that wouldn't work. 

“It's pretty important Miller, we might have to investigate where this postcard came from.”

Ocelot whipped the “Metal Gear Survive” postcard out of his pocket and shoved it into Kaz's range of vision. The man instantly began to weep just as he’d expected, sobbing pitiful tears into his thick lasagne and ruining his meal. 

The entire mess hall went silent. Commander Miller was crying over his food and ruining his big juicy lasagne. He men couldn't help but rush to their second in commander yelling out things like “It’s okay Commander Miller, you can have my lasagne!”


	4. BBKaz Fuck Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this artwork](http://fim92.tumblr.com/post/141808850870/put-some-color-on-that-sketch-my-otp-bbkaz) by [fim92](http://fim92.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

Big Boss smiled kindly as the gunshot echoed through the jungle. The wound beneath his ribs oozed out blood around gun still pressed to his side. 

He should have seen it coming. 

He should have known Kaz hadn't adjusted quite yet. He still felt a fiery hatred towards him for trapping him in this situation with no way out. Stuck in his small army with only the option of death as his exit card. Big Boss had made sure of that, and it seemed Kaz had reached his limit. 

Kaz should have seen it coming too. 

His Boss’ combat knife swung down into his back, jamming in right beside his spine. He knew he’d stabbed there on purpose. Kaz could feel the steel grating against his vertebrae, a gasp of shock falling from his mouth. 

It was just how it should be. If they were to die, they'd die together. 

A guttural chucked left Big Boss, blood spluttering out of his mouth onto the both of them. 

“Well played, Kaz.”

“I always was a player.” Kaz coughed sharply, hissing in pain each time his bones shifted against the steel.


	5. Kaz/Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this artwork](http://lewdbear.tumblr.com/post/147410353713) by [lewdbear](http://lewdbear.tumblr.com) on tumblr.
> 
> Sorry, once again no real dick sucking, just another cockblock.

Kaz crawled on top of the old man, his confident attitude as pure as gold in spite of the disgraced acts he was about to perform. Sometimes you had to sleep around to get what you wanted. Sometimes, you had to sleep around with people twice your age to get what you wanted. 

That never stopped Kaz though. A dick was a dick after all, even if it was wrinkly and straining to stand up. 

Zero tugged on Kaz's ascot, leading him down for a sloppy kiss as Kaz massaged his half hard erection through his suit. 

“Keep going, Kaz, you wouldn't want your reputation to get muddied now.” Zero whispered into his ear, his slippery tongue running up down his lobe before nipping lightly at the cartilage.

“I'm sleeping with you, it's not like it can't get anymore muddied. Come on, promise me another bonus and I'll suck your cock nice and good you sick old man.” Kaz breathed into Zero’s neck, his lips barely grazing over the skin. Despite his implications, Kaz enjoyed this.

“Another expensive watch, Kazuhira?”

“No- This time I want heavier artillery for the MSF. Armoured vehicles, RPGs, maybe another chopper or two.”

“Another helicopter?” Zero tsked, his mocking lips bit at Kaz's ear once again, “Didn't I already buy you one the last time you came to visit?”

“Our pilot in training got shot down inside of it 2 weeks back. Come on daddy, one more please?”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Zero smirked and stroked the blonde’s hair, gripping it and pushing his head towards the large bulge in his own pants.


	6. Miller's Maxi Stew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com/post/167402954276/my-favorite-part-of-mgs4-was-when-it-was-revealed) by [goodnightfern](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com)

The kitchen was as if it were a small furnace, blaringly hot from the stove and oven being on for the past few hours. It was the middle of summer and Kaz stirred away vigorously, wiping the sweat from his brow every few minutes. 

He was making stew with his “fuck the cook” apron wrapped around himself as he prepared supper. 

Ocelot had been out for quite awhile now doing god only knows what. Kaz liked to cook for when he got home. I mean, it wasn't like Ocelot could cook anything other than burnt toast. 

That is, Ocelot had been gone until he wrapped his arms around Kaz's beefy waist, tucking his large nose into his neck. 

“I didn't hear you come in.” Kaz muttered, placing a small kiss on the top of Ocelot's head. 

“Wanted to surprise you. Notice anything different?” Ocelot's right hand rubbed over his lover’s belly, pinching the apron between his fingers. 

Oh. There was a hand there. 

“Did you go out and get a regular prosthetic? Don't tell me it's someone else's arm again.”

“No- no it's not someone else's arm. Completely fake this time. It's the same model as yours too. I thought it’d be cute if we had matching arms.” 

Kaz turned the stove to a low heat and put down the wooden spoon in his hand. He turned around to take a look at Ocelot's brand spanking new arm. 

“It looks good on you. Did you get any special functions with it?”

Ocelot barked out a laugh. 

“Thinking with your dick instead of your heart again? Of course, I got vibrating fingers just for you.”

“Oh you know me so well,” Kaz beamed and pulled Ocelot in for a quick kiss, “now go put your apron on, I need some help taking the roast out of the oven in a second.”


	7. Hee Yaw (Ocelhira)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](http://heytristyn.tumblr.com/post/164441486321/previews-of-stuff-from-last-nights-twitter-full) by heytristyn on tumblr.

Ocelot moaned like a backdoor whore as he rocked onto Kaz’s small cock. He couldn't get enough of it. 

The both of them were on Kaz's chair. Kaz leaned back, slowly sweating the harder Ocelot pummelled his dick into oblivion. Hee yaw or whatever they say. Kaz was pretty sure that was it. Yeah. It was hee yaw. 

Apparently cowboys rode Kaz, not horses, unless this was some sick way of Ocelot pretending he was a trusty steed. Neigh. 

Ocelot was pressed against the desk trying to make the most of his lunchtime fuck, his cock flapping again his stomach the harder he rode, his hair flipping all over the place.

And then it slipped out. 

“Hee yaw, baby.” Kaz grunted loudly and slapped Ocelot's sinful flat ass. 

He froze in place and turned to look at Kaz like he was some sort of demon.

“What did you just say.” He gritted through his clenched teeth. 

“Hee yaw?”

Ocelot slid off Kaz's tiny chode and buttoned himself up, his cock entirely flaccid like someone had slapped it into place.

“You can finish yourself off, I'm leaving.”

“What- Why?”

Before Kaz could get an answer Ocelot was out the door and falling head first into the ocean.


	8. A love letter to bosselot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A piece loosely based on [this artwork](http://marifinch.tumblr.com/post/169635064287) by [marifinnch](http://marifinch.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

Ocelot smelled the white flowers bunched in his hands, the star of bethlehem. They didn't have much of a scent, mostly holding an aroma of fresh air. Quite a contrast from the foul air the Cyprus hospital suffocated him in. 

He wandered over to the man at the far end of the room, near dead in appearance in his age old stained bed. His gastly face hollowed out from years wasting away in his slumber. 

Ocelot placed the flowers in a small, clear jar by John’s bedside table. Nothing on it but endless jars of white flowers. No get well cards, past possessions or loved ones. It was just Ocelot and him, and the man [redacted] in the next bed whose existence wasn't ignored but rather forgotten. 

He tumbled backwards into the chair at the foot of the bed and laughed. John would kill him for this. For covering his room in a constant reminder of her, his own mother. He’d think he was in a living hell the second he woke up, a continuation of his 9 year long nightmares coming to haunt him in the flesh. 

All in the name love, huh? Where was love without suffering? There wasn't any. Ocelot would be lying, or tricking himself of he really did love this man.


	9. Don't Fear The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](http://78574239574395.tumblr.com/post/129387548369/i-love-mgs3-bc-its-before-youre-big-boss-youre) by [adelon](http://78574239574395.tumblr.com) on tumblr

Snake groaned in agony against the dry, flaking tree behind him. The bark agitated the poisoned arrows buried deep within his rosy flesh as if millions of ants were biting into his skin. 

He was desperate to stop the poison from effecting his slowly weakening body. He needed to fight. He had to fight. For her. 

For his mission. 

To be loyal till the end. 

But this was not the end, nor the pain, nor the fury, nor the sorrow. This was the fear, and fear was soaking into his racing heart, desperate to live. 

It didn't have to be this way. 

Snake grit down hard on a thick, forest twig and ripped the arrow out of his arm, howling his pained cries into the buzzing woods. He injected an antidote, ripped out the needle and poorly wrapped his oozing wound. 

His instincts took over. He wouldn't die.

Snake moved as fast as lightning, using himself as bait and luring The Fear down from the wicked trees in front of him. He slammed a flash grenade into the ground, covering his eyes as the light blinded his enemy. 

Snake kicked him backwards with a snarl, the feeling of satisfaction as The Fear was blown to bits in one of his own traps filled his chest with fire. 

He’d won. 

He was loyal after all.


	10. Puppy Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this work](http://pydiyudie.tumblr.com/post/128630051407) by [pydiyudie](http://pydiyudie.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

Ocelot flicked through the new requirements of room 101’s renovations, a wet nose nudging at his gloves. DD whined and wiggled on his lap, begging for attention. 

“In a minute, DD. Stay.”

The wolf pup barked in response and continued to nuzzle into Ocelot's damp sleeve, breathing in the scent of the closest thing to his mother. That is, DD thought Ocelot was his mother. He’s raised him after all, fed him and given him love and affection. How could he not think this was his mother. 

“Alright, alright. What do you want?” Ocelot suppressed a smile and place his clipboard on the floor. 

DD bounced up and down, springing his front legs on Ocelot's squishy chest. 

“Shoulder ride?”

DD barked and circled around on his lap. Yep, looks like DD wanted to sit on his head and shoulders again to greet all the men.


	11. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [my own art](https://twitter.com/kaxuhira/status/966951842268594177)

Venom yanked Ocelot by the back of his scarf, dragging the squirming man along the ground and between a few shipping crates on the command platform. 

“V- What the-” Ocelot glared and readjusted his scarf. 

“Shhh.” Venom placed his finger over Ocelot's lips, “I wanted some alone time with you.”

“Oh, were you looking to do the thing?”

“Yes. The thing.”

“Well then, I guess we can do the thing.”

Ocelot laid between Venom's juicy thighs, their chests pressed together. He inched in with care, his soft lips parting to meet V’s own. The two of them sharing an intimate, loving moment. 

They were in “love”.

Yes, “love”. 

Only Venom didn't know that. How could he. He thought they were truly in love. Not this false idea of love he’d been forced into feeling without his knowledge. Not this self who the man in his mouth transformed him into.

He would never feel love.


	12. The Grinch Who Stole Leg Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork/idea](https://soulfulquail.tumblr.com/post/170406882271/listen-i-dont-know-why-this-happened-but-i) by [soulfulquail](https://soulfulquail.tumblr.com)

Kaz slept soundly in his warm, luxurious bed. He indulged as the Diamond Dogs Commander and knew he deserved the best of the best when it came to beds. No sir, no ugly stained cots for him, tonight he dined on fine pillows. 

Unaware, Ocelot's long feet-like hands peeked out from under the bed like a gremlin hungry for food after midnight. He slithered the rest of the way out and inched his way up to a squatting position, his legs so part apart his crotch pointed outward in excitement. 

He was here to feed his moustache. To replenish his “witty bwaby kwitten whiskers” as he liked to refer to them as.

Kaz snored loudly as Ocelot pulled the hair from his leg, promptly snipping it off and plastering it to his face. He stirred, shooting up from the covers to see Ocelot, barely human looking, scampering away out of his heavily guarded room, his freakishly long limbs arms on the ground as he disappeared. 

“What the…” Kaz whispered to himself in shock, his eyes barely open and the hair one attached to his legs missing.

It was a nightmare. It had to of been. Ocelot didn't really look like that… Did he? 

“Never mind.” 

Kaz tucked himself back into bed under the assumption this was all a terrible nightmare but little did he know The Grinch Who Stole Leg Hair was still hiding beneath his luscious bed.


	13. Locked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [my own art](https://twitter.com/thearuxes/status/957198635392839686?s=09)

Kaz choked around Ocelot's girth, taking him down to the base where he could feel the spiky ends of Ocelot's pubic hair scratching his lips. 

It had been a while for Kaz, at least in this this sense. His jaw wasn't what it used to be. Nearly 40 and it was already locking up if he opened it wider than a few inches. And yet here he was, coughing around something he shouldn't put in his mouth. 

“Something the matter? Never seen you choke on dick before.” Ocelot muttered and brushed some of Kaz's greasy hair behind his ear affectionately. 

Kaz couldn't respond, his jaw was locked nice and tight and he couldn't slide off the other man's sweet smelling orifice to respond, only angry hums that edged Ocelot on. 

“Ah fuck, that feels good Miller but you’ll need speak up for me to hear you.”

What a cocky fucker. He was well aware what was happening and decided he’d push Kaz's roughly abused buttons over and over for fun.

His patience was waning. 

“I'm not feeling turned on helpless act anymore. You don't mind if I get off quick do you? I’ll get you off afterwards.”

Kaz mumbled a “fine” right as he was pushed flat on the ground, Ocelot's him jamming fast and hard down his throat. 

He couldn't breathe. Ocelot paid no mind to his struggles, only plunging into Kaz's warm, wet hole harder and harder, his throat becoming raw and dry. 

Ocelot's moans filled the silence, his hips slamming into Kaz's cheekbones as well as his heavy balls slapping on his chin like an unpleasant face massage. He stilled, shooting his seed deep inside of Kaz's throat before slipping out and massaging Kaz's jaw back to a closed position. 

“That wasn't so bad now, Miller.”


	14. T Pose Ocelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com/post/164430537371/modelswapping-makes-dreams-come-true) by [goodnightfern](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.

Punished “Kaz” Miller wandered through the desert with his trusted dog by his side, it barked and phased through the ground in an attempt to alert Kaz to the dangers potentially around them. Possibly a mine but no-

He wanted to be pet. 

He wanted to be freed from his wretched body and move his arms but he was forever stuck this way, his arms outstretched in the shape of “T”. Kaz named him T pose Oce. His friendly companion. His warmth and safety in the night. 

Kaz whipped out his sleek phantom cigar, grunting into the air as he puffed. Ah yes, his favourite activity was to puff and phase metal into his arm for cosmetic purposes. It was nice. Not to mention the support team supplying him with marijuana for his ciger under the radar. 

All in all life was good for Punished “Kaz” Miller despite being in love with his humanoid dog that couldn't stand correctly.


	15. Wedding Crashers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](http://goodnightfern.tumblr.com/post/170625208366/happy-birthday-heavvymetalqueen-i-drew-you-the) by goodnightfern
> 
> I swear I'm going to turn this into a full fic at some point.

The three of them, as well as little Catherine smiled pleasantly for the photographer, all saying a happy “cheese!” as the light flashed. 

Kaz was a married man now. With a wife and child, and his “best friend” Wayne Kritz at his side. Yes, his old ah, war buddy… His buddy who absolutely didn't sleep with him for over 10 years and is absolutely getting smitten with his new wife. She liked him. 

A shame she didn't know Ocelot's penis wouldn't stand up for her tits no matter how much she eyed him off. Maybe she got off on knowing Kaz's old friends, thinking she was finding out something about his mysterious past. 

Yeah right, the only thing Wayne was going to tell her would be bullshit wrapped in a pretty pink ribbon. Cathy knew better though. Three years old and she was already talking to “uncle kitty man” about how cool his cowboy boots were. Cathy knows who he is, she's a smart kid, she's seen him before. 

God only knows what Ocelot's taught her already. The two spent a fair amount of time together while Kaz and Nadine were working. Friends weren't exactly a commodity for Benny no matter how much Nadine nagged him to go out and socialise. He wasn't interested unless it was work related. So their only option in terms of babysitters were Uncle Wayne or a stranger. The two knew they didn't really have a choice. 

Did Kaz feel safe leaving his child with a lethal spy? No, but who else was going to take care of her on the weekends? Yeah, exactly. No one else was. 

The reception was pleasant. Kaz punched a waiter, Ocelot spiked people's drinks, Cathy got lost for an hour and Nadine tripped and spilled wine all over her couple thousand dollar wedding dress. Everything was fine.

The three called it a night and left for their rooms in the hotel, dear Benny being a fancy rich man and all. Cathy was tucked into bed, sung to sleep and already out like a light and the rest of them stumped their way into the bedroom to chat. 

“So Wayne, what can you tell me about my Benny here? What fantastic war stories do you have to tell about him.” Nadine leaned all over Ocelot, giggling and practically already sitting on him in the couch to the side of the bed, Kaz himself sprawled out on the bed and removing his prosthetics. 

“Well, there was this one time the two of us saved an entire village of children from slavery. Benny over here killed over one hundred and fifty Russians by himself and left me to fend for myself as he sacrificed his life to save those poor children.” Ocelot spoke charmingly as shit fell out of his mouth word by word. It was laughable and Nadine believed every word. “They began to close in on us, we were surrounded and suddenly Benny pops a grenade through the door and BOOM. Twelve dead Russians. He picked up an RPG from the unit and took down their support chopper after that. This man here is a real war hero in the flesh.”

“Oh my god, Benny why did you never tell me any of this?”

Kaz grimaced, forcing a smile as he played along with Ocelot's bullshit war story. “Ah, you know me, ever the humble man. Just ask Wayne, I'm too nice to admit my real achievements.”

“He’s right. The most humble man I've ever met. The poor man wouldn't even admit to a woman that he liked cock.” Ocelot gestured towards Kaz as his eyes flew wide open. 

“Beeeeenny, why didn't you ever tell me! We could of had so much more fun if I knew!”

“Wait what?” Kaz was a little shocked to hear that. Most women weren't really okay with men screwing each other. Most women weren't okay with Kaz screwing men while they were together either.

“Ugh! All the hot missed threesome we could have had. And now,” She sniffled the closer she came to crying, “now I'm married and we can't do that anymore!”

Kaz glared at Ocelot like he was ready to shank him. He knew exactly where this was going. He was trying to weasel his way back into his pants for the rest of his goddamn life and just after he finally got away. 

Ocelot hugged Nadine and rocked her slightly. “Don't cry now, you're not entirely out of luck. I’m alway here to fulfil your needs.”

“Really, Wayne? You’d do that for me? For us?” She stopped crying and wiped the snot from her runny nose, Ocelot smiled kindly down at her. 

“Of course I would, if it's okay with Benny I’d be happy sleep with the sweetest new couple around.”

Kaz was living a nightmare. His wedding night. Ocelot had crashed his wedding night and stole his wife. He doesn't even fucking like women, why did I invite him again? Oh that's right, I had no one else to be my best man. Why don't I have any other friends again? Kaz regretted everything he’d done today, but this by far was the worst mistake he was about to make. 

“Sure, we’re all drunk enough already so just get over here and help Nadine with her dress would you, Wayne?”

“Sure thing pumpkin.” Ocelot blew a kiss at Kaz, his own sweet victory as he slid Nadine the out of her dress. She was a beautiful woman, Ocelot could appreciate that much but he was as flaccid as a dead fish seeing her naked. Kaz on the other hand was just about already half hard. Must be viagra.


	16. A Little Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](http://glitchbatart.tumblr.com/post/159998507578/what-do-you-know-im-just-a-bad-believer-what-do) by [glitchbat](http://glitchbatart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr

Ocelot gave his lover’s thick chest a squeeze, burying his nose into his the nspe of his sweaty neck. 

“You’ve gained some weight around here, cute.” Ocelot massaged down Kaz's front, kneading the new fat between his fingers. 

“Do you have to say it like that? Makes me feel like you're fattening me up to be a sex doll.” Kaz groaned in response, mostly out of frustration and self consciousness but he’d be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying the physical attention. 

“There's no need to feel ashamed by it Kaz. A man of your age after all… It’s okay to let yourself go a bit.”

“Jeez that makes me feel so much better.”

“It should, then you get massages like this.” Ocelot brushed over his nipples, the fabric of Kaz's shirt making his breath hitch as it rubbed against them. 

“See, doesn't that feel nice, Kaz?”

"Oh fuck off."

It totally did feel nice.


	17. Beancelot Discovers The Giant Bean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this adorable artwork](https://twitter.com/ska_zuhira/status/967693342585667585) by [skazuhira](https://twitter.com/ska_zuhira) on twitter.

Beancelot’s tiny little ears perked up, his nose twitching as something interesting caught his attention. He could smell something. He wasn't sure what that something was but it was a something. Could it be beans? Beancelot would only have to investigate to find out. 

He skipped along, his spotted tail wagging each step over to the large item that certainly resembled a bean. But it was big. HUGE. Rivalling the tiny height of Beancelot himself. 

He gave it a knock, it was hard, and put his ear to it to listen. Suddenly a loud noise came from within the giant bean and a piece of the bean was pushed out from the inside, a tiny little beak showing through the hole at the top.   
The creature inside the giant bean let out a tiny chirp, pecking more and more until the bean was gone! This was no bean! Maybe it was a bean? But how would beancelot know? 

It was an egg. A chicken egg. 

The tiny bird inside the egg emerged and nuzzled beancelot. As timid as he was the giant bean bird seemed friendly.

Beancelot had come to the conclusion he was going to name the bean bird ‘Colonel Sanders’.


	18. Beancelot Picks Up His Bean Delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this beautiful artwork by [OwlLight](https://twitter.com/OcelotsNose) on twitter.

Today was a special day. 

It was bean day, and Beancelot was on his merry way to pick up his weekly delivery of fresh beans. Obviously he was excited not only for the trip, but for the b e a n s. 

He waited for Colonel Sanders to chirp awake from his comfortable slumber before they galloped off to the bean pick up location: the bench. Now the bench wasn't just any bench. It was wooden, a place knives used to hammer down on but was now overused, discarded and the bean pick up point for Beancelot. It was an old, cracked cutting board. 

He could see the bench on the wavering horizon, just like in one of his bean cowboy movies. Beancelot urged his trusty steed and best friend to go faster and faster with the sweet memory of beans on his mind’s eye. 

The two of then came to a stop, Beancelot running with the widest, brightest smile a thing so small could have towards his plentiful bounty. He took a dive into the ordinary, regular beans, hugging one in his arms as if it were a child’s cuddle toy. 

There was no time to waste, he planted his bottom down and promptly began to nibble on the bean, offering some to Colonel Sanders who graciously took the offering, the two of them as happy as pigs in mud (beans).


	19. Pee Is Stored In The Balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [my own joke art](https://twitter.com/thearuxes/status/949342328367431680?ref_src=twcamp%5Ecopy%7Ctwsrc%5Eandroid%7Ctwgr%5Ecopy%7Ctwcon%5E7090%7Ctwterm%5E2)

“Pee is stored in the balls!” Volgin’s loud booming voice exclaimed over the hall of soldiers standing upright. “That is something none of you feeble men could know. Only an intellectual like me can understand this fact. The rest of you are like little babies, thinking pee in stored in the bladder but you are all wrong. I have seen it for myself, the pee streaming from my massive hypercock and balls. You will remember I am superior with this knowledge!”

“Yes Sir!” The hall of over one hundred soldiers replied in unison. They all believed him. The man could electrocute people with his bare hands so what choice did they have but to believe what this jacked dominant man said. 

“From now on, if I ever hear any of you saying pee is stored in the bladder I will kill. The bladder does not exist! Only the balls!”

“Balls balls balls!” The men shouted together, praising their own piss filled balls. 

“That's right! Now go! Squeeze the piss out of your balls, pee is stored inside the balls!” Volgin grinned and slammed his fists on the podium repeatedly. “Dismissed!”


	20. Between A Rock and A Hard Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this artwork](http://balamist.tumblr.com/post/121718761749/sorry-buddy-your-places-taken) by [balamist](http://balamist.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.

Venom smiled softly to himself as he held the two men closest to him in his life. Kaz on his left and Ocelot on his right. The two exhausted after a hard day's work with DD walking over them every 20 minutes to find a comfortable spot. 

They were a family. A bit of an odd family but still a family. They technically had kids and a dog despite being war criminals but Venom liked to pretend. He liked to pretend he was someone else, somewhere else but that would never be possible.

DD burrowed his nose into Venom's untied hair, whining quietly. Maybe he could take DD and run away. Kaz would never forgive him, would kill him for abandoning their revenge and Ocelot would never let him leave willingly, not truly at least. He might let him go but he would never be free. 

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, between two men and motherbase.

“There really is no way out.”


	21. Bunking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this small comic](http://dog-stamp.tumblr.com/post/151759470717/they-built-too-many-fobs-and-now-theyre-running-on) by [dogstamp](http://dog-stamp.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.

“This is great isn't it.” Ocelot sighed in joy from his new bed that happened to be a bunk bed. 

“Not really.” Kaz dead panned back, a slight scowl on his lips from the bottom bunk. He hated every moment of this, he missed his fucking bed. 

“What's wrong?”

Due to motherbase going overboard on GMP they had to downsize all the living quarters. This meant anyone in the higher ranks now had to bunk with a buddy. To his dismay, Kaz ended up with Ocelot of all people who did not shut up after 11pm.

What a disaster.

“What's wrong is you never shut up when I'm trying to sleep. Are you some sort of superhuman beast? Do you even sleep? Do you know what sleep is you horny gremlin?”

“Woah woah, calm down Miller. If you wanted the top bunk that bad you should have just said someth-”

“DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO A WORD I SAID?!”


	22. Family Car Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this artwork](https://x4sj00.tumblr.com/post/162208469914/ciircumserpent-woops-im-being-late-anyways) by [x4sj00](https://x4sj00.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.

“Are you sure this is where we're supposed to be going Hal?” Dave squinted at the road that was slowly becoming darker by the minute. They were on a family road trip, taking a break from Philanthropy for a few weeks to catch a break. They all had their fake IDs and passports and were travelling the countryside.

“Uh, I think, hold on. Sunny could you take a look at the map for a second?” Hal shuffled around and handed the map to his almost daughter. 

“Sure, after all I have a better sense of direction than you Uncle Hal.” Sunny poked her tongue out, giggling in her pink love heart sunglasses Dave had picked up for her at the last city they stopped in. “We’re going the wrong way. We were supposed to turn left 30 minutes ago. Uncle Haaaaaal just let me hold the map the rest of the way, we keep getting lost when you navigate!”

“But Sunny the front seat isn't all that safe for someone your size.”

“I'm 10! I'm old enough! I looked it up and everything!”

“Alright, fine. We can switch at the next stop but you have to wear your seatbelt correctly not matter how much it digs it digs into your neck, okay? 

“Yes, Uncle Hal.” Sunny beamed and leaned back with the map. She had her way after all.


End file.
